*WARNING: This blog is intended for a mature audience. Its contents may include adult situations, violence and sensitive issues that some people might find disturbing. Please read at your own discretion.

11 April 2014

A Pair of Brown Eyes: Chapter 19

 *WARNING: This chapter shows a graphic depiction of some things disturbing in nature.

********************

A-Pair-of-Brown-Eyes-Chapter-19-I

Even after washing her face for the third time, Claire couldn't shake that silly smile off her face, which made her feel so giddy, and dizzy, and alive. Why couldn't she stop beaming? She had kissed him. She had kissed Andrew. That was not possible. Well, they had kissed before, but the fact that she had been so desperately seeking for him to do so was a first for her. Even that magical atmosphere had seem to beckon her to be happy. And she was. Claire couldn't believe it, but this man made her so happy.

A-Pair-of-Brown-Eyes-Chapter-19-II

She brought an unsteady hand to her lips. Those very lips that had been so tightly pressed to his but only a while before. She had kissed him. Special as the whole evening had been -her recital, his compliment, the paper lanterns...- that was the only thought in her mind. She had kissed him. She had kissed Dr. Stuart. Andrew. Her Andrew. Her Andrew? Her reflection on the mirror sighed contentedly at the mere mention of him, and she caught herself smiling back at it, while reliving the sweet, overpowering sensation of being in his arms.

She couldn't remember when had been the last time a real laugh had escaped her mouth, if ever, but that was all she could do right now. She wanted to laugh, to cry out loud for all the world to know she was a happy woman.

A-Pair-of-Brown-Eyes-Chapter-19-III

And she had even allowed him to call her a flower. She wasn't even sure why she had done so, and yet, it didn't sound so frightening when it came from his lips.

A-Pair-of-Brown-Eyes-Chapter-19-IV

Tonight she felt she was capable of everything, of anything. Tonight she was happy. Tonight she was in love. Tonight she was even ready to believe in her prince charming again. Tonight...

********************

A-Pair-of-Brown-Eyes-Chapter-19-V

Claire was finally satisfied with those notes which had been bothering her for a while, and was now ready to take a break.

A-Pair-of-Brown-Eyes-Chapter-19-VI

"It still amazes me how your music can be so descriptive." Ethel met her halfway across the room, smiling broadly. "While listening to it, I kept imagininig myself going down the aisle, about to be married to the man of my dreams. And it was fantastic! How do you manage to do so? It's just notes."

A-Pair-of-Brown-Eyes-Chapter-19-VII

"I don't know," Claire answered, dismissively. "Pictures keep popping up in my mind, and then I think what music could accompany them. That's what I write."

A-Pair-of-Brown-Eyes-Chapter-19-VIII

"Pictures of a charming prince? Is that what you see when you're playing?" Ethel's enthusiasm was evident by the way in which she spoke those words.

Claire closed her eyes, dreamily, and blushed slightly. "Perhaps. But it's someone I haven't met yet. Someone I see in my dreams. Someone I'm sure I'll meet one day."

A-Pair-of-Brown-Eyes-Chapter-19-IX

"I'll tell you what..." Ethel took Claire's right hand in between hers and gave it an affectionate squeeze. "You must come to me one summer and meet Andrew. I'm sure he'll like you. And he has to, or else...", she paused for a moment, and then went on. "Or else... he'll end up marrying that odious Miss Norton."

"What? Your brother? But... isn't he too old?" That little scheme of Ethel's scared Claire a little. This girl was wild!

"Well, we won't be thirteen forever, either. What would that age difference signify in, say, three or four years from now?"

A-Pair-of-Brown-Eyes-Chapter-19-X

Ethel had a point there, and if Claire was honest with herself, she felt curious about this boy. Well, man, rather. "Hmm, Ethel. That brother of yours... Is he handsome?"

She just shrugged in return. "How would I know? He's my brother."

********************

Claire's smile grew even broader at that sweet recollection from her childhood. Andrew as a charming prince! What a silly notion, indeed! Silly, and nonsensical, and childish, and... And why was she imagining how he would look like clad in a shining armour? She couldn't help but laugh with glee, just as her thirteen-year-old self would have done.

Tonight she could imagine those things. Tonight she could dream. Tonight she could allow herself not to make sense. Tonight...

Tonight...

Tonight!





A muffled gasp escaped her lips as a sudden surge of panic invaded her body. Her reflection no longer held the smile which had been on her face but a second before, and for a moment, Claire refused to recognise that grimace of agony staring back at her as her own.

A-Pair-of-Brown-Eyes-Chapter-19-XI

Tonight she had forgotten this.

She never undressed in front of a mirror, and it was because of this. She hated that ugly, marked woman she could see on the other side. Her arms, her back, her belly. All were hideously marked. Those scars she couldn't be freed from. They would remain with her forever, a painful reminder of what she was.

Why had she bought that stupid mirrror?

The memories attached to each one of them hurt as much as the unbearable physical pain they gave her.

A-Pair-of-Brown-Eyes-Chapter-19-XII

This wound over here from that time when her dress had been deemed too simple; this, for that other time when her dress had been too daring; that other bruise from that day when she forgot to tell cook not to put garlic in the stew; that one for not being a proper hostess to his friends; that other scar over there for having entertained them far too much...

She couldn't be persuaded any more that she was such an evil woman as to deserve all those punishments, but what was she to do? No one could ever see her naked, especially not Andrew. No one had ever seen her naked, for that matter. He had never cared for those things; not that she would have liked it in the least, anyway. Besides, why was she now thinking of Andrew and being naked, all in the same sentence? It couldn't be. 

A-Pair-of-Brown-Eyes-Chapter-19-XIII

It could never be! Never! She would have to tell Andrew it could never be. And yet, how was she to reject him when everything about it felt so right? She longed for his arms, for his mouth. She couldn't wait to be held by him again. But it was not right. Was it not right? Was it not right for her to enjoy a man's affections? Perhaps... perhaps she could continue her charade a little longer. That wouldn't hurt anyone, surely. A wearied Claire smiled slightly, ever so slightly, from the other end of the mirror...




Brown-Eyes-Chapter-20Pair-Brown-Eyes-chapter-19



********************

Author's note: I'm sorry if this chapter was too short -even by my own standards, LOL- and rather... *sighs* *shrugs* I've been sick for a couple of weeks and feeling midly depressed, and this was about as much as I was able to put together. On second thought, it was meant to be scattered in thought to some extent, so perhaps it didn't turn out so badly after all. Anyway...

...as usual, thanks for reading :-D.

36 comments:

  1. Aw, I hope you feel better. =( Take all the time you need to take care of yourself. This chapter wasn't lacking by any means. Claire has a lot to overcome both with her tormenting memories and being honest with Andrew. It's really disheartening because you can feel Claire's turmoil of wanting to be happy but feeling undeserving of happiness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm already feeling better, thanks. Claire's inner turmoil is great, no doubt; even though she's beginning to understand she may not be as undeserving as she feels, those scars in her body are very difficult to explain, and there are still many things she's afraid of.

      Thank you for reading and commenting :-D.

      Delete
  2. aww hope you feel better soon!

    and aww for Claire, she sounded so happy, so hopeful in the beginning. It was cute how Ethel was already trying to play matchmaker LOL... :) that was fun. And look, it's sorta coming true.

    Then it went to that ass :( and all he's done to her. And for her to feel like she was somehow at fault, just sad. UGH I really really hope he's dead!!! She won't ever be happy, or think she's supposed to be happy.

    chapter was great, turned out wonderfully like all of your chapters.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm already better, just the occasional (and annoying) bout of coughing... Hehe, matchmaking comes second nature to Ethel, at any age!

      Well, altough Claire is still suffering from serious self-esteem issues, I think she's beginning to understand the unjustice of all the wrongs that have been done to her... And I'll let you in on a little secret... I too hope he's dead! ;-)

      Thanks for reading and for your encouragement.

      Delete
  3. I thought the chapter was great. Not scattered at all.

    Wishing you a speedy recovery., and hopefully you feel like your usual self soon.

    I loved the first part of this update, it was great seeing Claire so happy and excited about her time with Andrew. And it's a great treat for me to read the flashback scenes and see Claire as a child.

    The closing scene was just sad, given the extent of the emotional scars that remain, I don't see how she can move past this, but I hope she doesn't give up on her and Andrew.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :-D I'm already better, thanks.

      Yes, I think we can safely say she's starting to feel... something!... for Andrew.

      It's very hard for Claire to get past her emotional scars when the physical ones are constantly reminding her of them :-(. So sad!

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Delete
  4. How cute, that Ethel had wanted her to meet Andrew way back then! Ah, if only it could have worked out so happily.

    Her scars were sad, but it's far more sad that they are the reminder of what she thinks is the reason she can't let herself be happy with Andrew, that it's but a charade.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehe, Ethel and her matchmaking inclinations, so cute!

      Her scars are both emotional and physical, so Claire can't avoid being reminded of them, one way or the other. That's just heartbreaking :-(.

      Thanks for reading and commenting :-D.

      Delete
  5. It was so awesome seeing Claire preening in front of the mirror! What a huge turn around! And the acknowledgement that she wants to be happy is a great step forward. She's making progress toward a better future, even if it's slow going. Though I can't imagine how long it will take her to forget the scars she has.

    Feel better soon!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, slow as all her advancements are, she's making steady progress :-). Her scars, unfortunately, are a totally different matter altogether :-(.

      I'm pretty much recovered by now, thanks! And thanks for reading.

      Delete
  6. Woah, poor Claire. Safe to assume she's a never nude? I really like how you're treating this difficult subject, it makes for a very compelling story. And the pictures are, of course, divine. Glad to hear you're feeling better :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you mean as an in-game trait? Because I pay no attention to them, so I can't remember if she is...

      Thanks for reading and for your kind words :-D.

      Delete
    2. Yes, I meant as an in-game trait. How interesting that you don't pay attention to them!

      Delete
    3. Interesting? Is it? Well... I don't actually... "play", you know? ;-)

      Delete
  7. Oh Marta hope you are feeling much better now. Well it is understandable why the chapter is short. I really like the fact that Claire is allowing herself to feel happy, to hope, but the scars.... hmmm. We'll see how that turns out.I'm still thinking her ex-husband will come back from the "dead" lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm feeling better :-D. Claire's feelings are very conflicted at the moment... And, you're not the only one to think that, but we'll see, we'll see ;-)...

      Thanks for reading.

      Delete
  8. Ts. If I had not spotted the advert for the Spanish version of this chapter, I would have downright missed it- I really need to clear out my blog notifications, to many of the really interesting updates get buried lately D:

    First of all, glad to read that you are feeling better by now. I hope you will be able to enjoy the upcoming spring to the full, dear! :D

    And I really love the update. Naturally Claire being so very aware of her scars will make things more complicated, again, but I am hopeful that she will overcome that... with the kindly help of the author writing this story ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's alright, no worries there :-D.

      Yes, I'm better, it was just a mild pharyngitis; it seems as though springtime doesn't agree with me.

      Oh, the author behind this story will try to help Claire in as kind a way as possible ;-), but you're right, her scars (both psychological and physical) are making things really hard for her.

      Thanks for reading.

      Delete
  9. I think the way you capture people is so gripping! I love this story! & yet there are so many stories I love reading by a lot of the story-tellers who have also commented and yet, never comment myself- except today lol?! The pictures you take are so gorgeous too, and artistic- you really add realism to the scenes you create! Jeez! (Need to subside my excitement)... But I just wanna say I love this story and can't wait for the next update! Thank you so much!

    Also would like to wish you well, and hope your feeling better too :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww, your kind words (and excitement, hehe) have immediately brightened my day :-D. Thank you so much for stopping by, and yes, I'm feeling better :-).

      Delete
  10. I stumbled on your blog via boolprop and spent all night reading through the chapters :)
    It's a very deep and dark story, not the usual thing I've encountered with Sims writing.I love the uniqueness.
    I can't believe how much effort you've put into it, from the sets, to the flash backs, editing the photography, etc.
    I'm looking forward to your next update!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for stopping by. Your nice words have meant a lot to me :-D.

      Delete
  11. A peaceful, happy moment marred and torn away by memories. Claire has been through so much. To see her happiness tilt away and her feelings of worthiness fall to the ground is very sad. I know she can overcome it, her moments of peace support that she can, and she may have found the gentle man who can help her. Or her friend. She should speak with her friend. But they didn't do that back then. What happened in the bedroom or the marriage home was secret. Claire is either too reserved or too ashamed. :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very true, everything you said! As to whether Claire is reserved or ashamed, I'd say the latter is more like it. We can only hope she has it in her to overcome all the obstacles, the self-deprecation, the constrained social mores...

      Thanks for reading and commenting :-D.

      Delete
  12. Beautiful chapter! Can really feel her confusion and that whole 'how do I feel?', 'how does he feel?' thing that goes on when you're falling in love.

    I LOVE that she was smiling to herself in the mirror, and thinking back over the kiss over and over and replaying it in her mind... That's how it works and you don't even realise you're doing it! hehe!
    The bit at the end with the scars.... I got really worried that she'd let them get in the way. We all have scars, whether physical or emotional, that we need to overcome when entering a new relationship, and often we do let them get in the way and cloud our judgement when really things aren't as bad as we think...

    Love it. Come on Claire! I believe in you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :-D Yes! That was exactly what I was going for. The uncertainties, the restlessness... that usually go with falling in love for the first time. Plus, Claire has some "distorted" notions of love which make her feel all the more distressed.

      As for the scars, it's true what you said about our scars clouding our judgment, but unfortunately Claire's are of the hardest type to overcome :-(.

      Thanks for reading and for your lovely feedback.

      Delete
  13. WOW, such a emotional chapter and I loved it, also the clothes you have picked out are wonderfully detailed. Hopefully she can get past her emotional scars with Andrew's help in the future... hopefully :D

    Ivory

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :-D. There are so many great CC creators out there, plus I spend a lot of time in CAS ;-). Hopefully her scars will heal in time.

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Delete
  14. Poor Claire! I hope her past doesn't prevent her from moving on in the future...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I hope so too.

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Delete
  15. What sweet memories from childhood, and she was feeling so confident! Her being a bit riled up probably prompted her to undress in front of the mirror, imagining Andrew on the other side. ;) ;) Too bad she got her shocking reality check. :( I can only imagine the protective rage Andrew would feel knowing someone has left those marks on Claire.
    Claire!! You mustn't go this alone! -.-
    Great chapter!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, a very spot-on comment! That was exactly what I was going for! Because being smitten (especially if it's for the first time) is usually accompanied by one feeling carefree and pretty and silly... Too bad that for poor Claire the aftermath of it all has to be of such a bitter nature.

      "Protective rage", I like your choice of words ;-).

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Delete
  16. T_T Claire.
    I had no idea that Andrew was mentioned even back then, when Ethel and Claire were still children. That was so cute.
    I hope Claire realizes that even though her skin is marred, and possibly her soul, from the terrible things she's been through, that she would know Andrew could look past those things because he loves her for who she is, despite what she's gone through.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehe, Ethel ever the matchmaker! Plus, she had a dislike for her brother's fiancée ;-). In fact, it's more than likely that Andrew would love her even more IF he knew what she's gone through, but how can we make her see that? :-(

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Delete
  17. She was so close too, I mean so close to moving forward but I did not know that she still has marks that will always remind her of the abusive relationship that she was previously in. I'm sort of glad that she isn't going to just give Andrew the cold shoulder and put up a charade like she said because maybe she will realize that she can still be happy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, unfortunately things are more difficult for Claire than they would for everyone else, since she has constant reminders of her many hardships. Hopefully there's still a chance for her to understand she can be happy :-).

      Thanks for reading :-).

      Delete